Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
