Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
