pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
