I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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