I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
