Acid is not a monday night drug
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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