i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
