dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
