Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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