I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she told me i tasted like america
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
