if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
