Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
