Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
