I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
