He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
