I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
