Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if only i could text you this smell
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
