my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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