Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
