I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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