I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
