Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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