If i come over, it means nothing
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
