Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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