"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
