He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
