They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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