yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
