Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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