literally had 100 drinks last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My life is pants optional.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
