Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
