We're facebook friends in real life
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
