operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
