I wish I could punch you in the face.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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