My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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