So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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