Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
