i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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