At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
