well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
