Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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