why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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