there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
