Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hippo gnu deer
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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