I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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