i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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