even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
