I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Can I color on your dick again?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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