All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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