so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
