They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
