Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
