Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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