I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
