Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
