Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
