After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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