I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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