I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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