He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
