He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
