is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
